I still have nothing to write. And it took me practically minutes to post again. I feel like I wanted to write something, but I still can’t.

As you all know(and of course you know! I’m saying this over and over again), I am about to graduate. After four years of hardwork, sleepless nights, friendships, and heartaches, finally! All of my them are paying off. I don’t really want to go. I don’t really want to say good-bye to all the friends I had, to all the enemies I had encountered and to all the moments I had shared with them. Sometimes, I even wanted to stop time and go back again. Everything. I want to experience them again. I don’t want everything to be over. I am not finished yet. I want to be with them again.

People keep on telling me to move on. To change. But why even bother? I survived my last year at school without actually bonding with them. There are a lot of people there that I haven’t even talked to. On our retreat, I never cried because of them. I never actually cried during that retreat. I always thought that I have better things to do. Sometimes, I realize that I never really cared for them. All I did(subject is “all I did”, making it singular) is for the benefit for myself. I was selfish. During those times, I am.

It was hard for me to accept the fact that I am now in a different place, a different time, and a totally different scenario. I can never bring everything back. Everything changes. And yet, I stay the same.

Now I realize how pathetic I am. Although I never thought that I wasted my Fourth Year, I know I screwed up. I failed. I messed up everything. But as I said earlier, I can never bring everything back. I’ll try to be the person who everyone wants to me to be. The person that I don’t like. The person who’ll live his last days a lie, perhaps. I will try to change. I will try to embrace the facts. Or will I?

This is me. This is my story. Everything I left behind, all I did for myself. I keep on running and running. I always stumble, I always fall. But I still keep on running. Even how ridiculous the barrier I’ll go through, I will always find a way. Even if the choices I made, I am making, and I have to make is wrong.

I will never forget the fool I was. I will never forget the fool I’ve been.